Imperfectly Healthy

After starting to reread “Intuitive Eating” again, I’ve discovered that even though I’ve come a LONG way from where I was before (having multiple episodes of binging a week in high school to maybe 3-4 smaller binges every year), I was really only using Intuitive Eating as another diet.

Photo by gaelx

I haven’t been truly honoring my hunger and giving myself full permission to eat when hungry.  I’ve been placing my own boundaries on my eating, which I think is why I still feel deprived despite allowing myself to eat whatever I want. For example, if I felt that I already ate “too much” earlier in the day (calorie-wise not in terms of fullness),  I would hold back my eating later regardless of how hungry I was.  And on that same note, I’ve been calculating calorie counts in my head without even realizing what I’m doing and making myself feel either good or bad (usually bad) depending on the day’s intake.

Rereading the book made me realize all of the things that have been holding me back from becoming a true intuitive eater.  I think in the past, I’ve read the book with only a slightly open heart.  I think my mind was ready to read the material but my heart wasn’t ready to accept that I would NEVER diet again. After trying my hand at dieting again, I think I’ve truly come to the end of my rope and I’m finally ready to accept that dieting will never work for me.  Sure, it may work in the short term (I lost a few pounds in May by counting calories)  but the pounds I’ll lose will be short-lived (I’ve already put those few pounds back on).

Image by Brad Gillette

And not only that, just by half-heartedly following Intuitive Eating’s principles, I’ve almost completely stopped the full blown binges that used to occur.  But when I started to count calories again, I was starting to get the urge to binge again.  That alone shows me that dieting is not good for my physical or mental health!

So yes, I’ve put on 13 pounds since I got married four years ago.  It may not sound like much, but I’m only 5′ 3″.  But I’d take those 13 pounds any day over being obsessed with every morsel of food that goes into my mouth.  I think I’m finally starting to accept that the weight I’m currently at is probably right around where I’m meant to be since it’s always the weight my body seems to return to when I’m not dieting and not binging.  I’m learning to be okay with that.  And that acceptance is the best thing that could ever happen, and I’m so very happy for it.  I’m not “letting myself go”, I’m “letting myself be”…me.

Image by Marc Falardeau

This is a prime example of why dieting sucks and does not work.

I found this article for a diet plan in a women’s health magazine that gave the reader a 1500 calorie meal plan and then included this little “Indulge Without Bulge” blurb which “allowed” the reader to drink 4 oz. of white wine but in order to so, they had to subtract different ingredients from the day’s meals (1/4 cup of edamame, 1 tsp of sunflower seeds, etc.).

And THAT is why diets don’t work! Who wants to have to subtract and add in and figure out whether they’re “on track” each day.  It’s exhausting just thinking about it!!  I’d much rather eat in response to my hunger signals and stop when I’m full.  It just makes so much more sense listening to my own body than following someone else’s plan every single day for the rest of my life.  And if I’m a little bit curvier because of that, then so be it! Better than being a slave to the calculator!