Imperfectly Healthy

I was doing some research and remembered how Oprah decided a year ago to never diet again after reading Geneen Roth’s “Women, Food, and God”.

(Source)

What most people don’t realize is that Oprah apparently gave up dieting quite a while ago.

(Source)

So yes, I feel a little bit like Oprah.  I am so back and forth on the entire dieting issue.  I don’t believe diets work, yet I still want to lose weight.  I don’t think it’s good for me psychologically, yet again, I still want it.  I don’t think I’m unattractive, and again, I still want lose weight. So what does that mean about me?  Am I just so vain and looks-obsessed that I don’t want to give it up?  Is it some kind of crutch?  Maybe it’s just easier than having to deal with the underlying reasons for wanting to eat when I’m not hungry.  It’s easier for me to track my calories than to really think about why I want to eat when I’m not feeling hungry.  It’s easier for me to portion out my food and to track what I’m eating than to really check in with  myself to see what and how much I’m hungry for, or if I’m even hungry at all.

What’s sad to me is that I KNOW that all of the research says that it is practically impossible for a person to lose weight and keep it off for good — and chances are that if you do lose weight, you’ll put that weight back on plus some.  And to keep off the weight, you make it your life’s one mission – never letting up the iron will to not eat, even if you’re starving inside. And really, dieting CAUSES people to be fatter than they would’ve been in the first place (which I think it absolutely true – even for myself!).  Dieting messes up your metabolism and screws with you psychologically.  Our bodies are so smart that even if we suck out or cut off our fat, it comes back within a year somewhere else on our bodies.  And research has even shown that my current weight (right on the cusp of being overweight according to the BMI charts) may be the very best weight in terms of health.

I hope that I haven’t let any of my readers down by waffling on this issue.  But at the same time, I want to be REAL on this blog.  I don’t want to pretend that these issues are easy and that intuitive eating and loving your body happens overnight.  It doesn’t.  And it also doesn’t make every person who follows its principles thin.  I love all of the blogs I read, especially those focused on intuitive eating, but I know personally that I struggle with those blogs of women who follow intuitive eating who are now fairly thin and definitely fit society’s “ideal” body.  It’s hard to see that and not think that I’ll be the same.  That once I start only eating for hunger, I’ll  be thinner.  That doesn’t always happen, and that’s a scary, scary thing for someone who has been having this battle with weight and body image for over 10 years.  It could turn out that my yo-yo dieting has brought my set-point up a few notches, and that I may never be as thin as I’d like to be.  It’s scary.  That’s all there really is to it.  So now I have to figure out how to get past that fear and start working towards complete and total self-acceptance of myself.  Not only accepting myself if I’m thinner than I am now or if my hair is straight or if I’m wearing makeup.  Accepting myself ALL THE TIME, no matter what I look like, that’s where I need to be.  That may sound radical, but it’s where I need to get to in order to give up the diet mentality.

(Source)

I don’t want to live my life doing the yo-yo cycle like Oprah or any other person out there.

(Source)

It just doesn’t seem worth it to me to keep fighting this battle, over and over and over again.  It’s pointless and it’s crazy-making.

Thanks for sticking with me on this journey!